So you’ve had a bust-up… what now?

A New Year’s resolution so quickly broken. In spite of your best endeavours, it happened again. You said there would be no arguments this year; you were doing well, until…

It can be tempting to feel sorry for yourself, as though you’re the one that’s hard done by. But wait!

What is that feeling after an argument? Satisfaction of having “won” again or the annoyance that the other person “just doesn’t get it”? The crushing of defeat, helplessness that leaves you distant, wondering, “am I married to the right person?”

Before you get too far down the track of self-pity it is important to know that every marriage has its arguments. Perhaps I should say every marriage of any real value has its arguments or disagreements. Living in close proximity to another person who is not quite perfect you’ll find your differences. Guaranteed. Differences of opinion or preference, it matters not which; sooner or later something will bring you to a point of disagreement.

Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry

Disagreements are not the measure of a marriage. Some people actually think that because they “never argue” they have a great marriage. What we don’t know is whether or not they actually talk to each other at all. Sorry, facetious comment. Perhaps.

What is important is how you handle disagreements. I don’t mean whether you shout, scream and smash the dinner plates or whether you seldom raise your voice above a whisper. That’s about temperament. What is your attitude towards your spouse? Do you set yourself against them in order to crush their argument, or do you really want the best for them?

Next time you have an argument, why not take the brave step of being first to apologise? Then, show you really mean it with something that tells your spouse they’re still the most important person in your world…

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