How do you put into words the mental strain of dealing with serious illness and devastating crises? The unknowns can be paralysing; the effect on your life, the consequences for those you love. Where will it all end?
Will it end?
Sitting in hospital, watching the same four walls day and night, an uncomfortable bed, continuous noise, little sleep. I was starting to go stir-crazy. How I longed for the comfort of home, cuddles with the children, time with my wife.
At long last the doctor said that I was well enough to go home. Relief rolled over me, engulfing me like a huge warm wave on a tropical beach. My freedom, so tantalisingly close.
“What about the bleeding?” I queried.
“That’s to be expected – it should clear up in a few days.”
So that was it. I would be heading home to relax and recover in the comfort of familiar surroundings.
The sun shone as we pulled up outside the house. The sweet smell of freedom energising my walk through the gate to our freshly mown garden.
As the afternoon wore on my concerns continued to rise. I spoke to my Specialist Nurse, “I’m worried about the bleeding – it’s getting worse.” A couple of phone calls later and I was told to make my way back to the hospital. I picked up my bag, untouched since my arrival, and headed toward the car.
I’m trying to grow so before I’m old I’ll confess
You think that I’m strong, you’re wrong. — Robbie Williams
Candy hugged me, “I believe in you. Stay strong.” Those words seemed to unleash the fears, disappointment and concerns vaulted deep within. Up they rushed, forcing their way through eyes and down cheeks. I clung on to her, sobbing, “I don’t know how much more of this I can take….”
Being strong is hard work. The stresses of life can be a punishingly heavy load to bear; we feel weakest when carrying the heaviest load.
Have you told your spouse recently that you believe in them? Do they know you’re their biggest supporter, that you’ll be cheering them on as the cross the finish line?
Let them know today.