Is what you do really important?
You’ve probably heard that “actions speak louder than words”. When it comes to love, it’s not true for everybody, but there is a significant proportion of the population for whom it is.
For many people, it’s what you do for them that tells them you love them. More than what you say. More than a gift. Actually giving your time to do something particular for them is the clearest indication of the measure of your love. Perhaps the only expression they’ll actually understand.
Sometimes the cry for love from someone speaking this love language can come across critical or demanding, “You never clean the windows. They’re so dirty it makes the house look like a dump! Why don’t you do it?”
Real love can only ever be given freely. Actions resulting from coercion are, over time, likely to result in bitterness and resentment. For genuine love to be given it must be a matter of choice, done willingly. In this context making requests of your spouse, rather than complaints or demands, gives them the opportunity to respond willingly and positively.
To say, “You never wash the car. It’s the worst in our street and is such an embarrassment.” may get the job done but, “When you wash my car I know you love me.” will bring about an entirely different set of feelings and emotions. Continual nagging may get the car washed but the risk is it being done just to keep the other quiet and causing resentment to build a barrier between the two of you.
Do you, or your spouse speak the “acts of service” love language? Perhaps you never realised. How would it change the way you act towards your spouse?